A little over a week ago I posted on Facebook that my blog was closing down *sobs*
The decision was a surprisingly easy one considering how attached I'd become to this little baby over the past few years. I mean, who needs kids when you have a blog right?? They require a lot of nurture, a hell of a lot of love and a shit load of patience in order to thrive and grow past a following comprised just of your close friends and family. All of which I can't dish out right now because, you see, all of that nurture and all of that love and all of that patience is going somewhere else for the time being.
On yours truly.
The past couple of months has been a whirlwind centred around the death of my Father. Losing a parent is like nothing I can explain right now although I hope to one day have the words to share with you in the hope that it may help to ease another's pain. His unexpected and unfair passing was a wake up call to me; I found myself asking all sorts of questions.
Am I living my truth right now?
Do the daily choices I make reflect the type of person I want to be?
Do I walk my talk?
The short answer was not nearly enough as I'd like.
You see, this blog had become so much more than a creative outlet simply for me. It had become an "ah ha" moment to so many of you who had taken the time to read my words and related to them in some way. You'd perhaps realised that you weren't as mad as you initially thought or that so many of us have no fucking idea what we're doing on a regular basis or cry for no reason. And incredibly, you reached out to let me know that you too had suffered and it both broke and mended my heart all at once.
None of us is ever truly alone. We just have to be brave enough to speak out, refusing to reside in the dark.
And so for now, I need to go a little further into my own journey before I can continue to be the Relatable Miss Renton I feel so fortunate to have been able to share with you all. I can't bury my feelings under phenomenal to do lists because we all know what happens when we don't face shit. It explodes. Quite literally. And normally when we least suspect it. Like when you're driving along and see traffic on the other side of the road and have the mother F of all bitch fits because you're going to get caught in that on your way back so sobbing for half an hour seems to be the only logical next step to take.
You get where I'm going with this.
So I need to do that ridiculously painful shitty crying for no reason thing and come to terms with what's happened, facing the annoying and uncomfortable pain that inevitably comes with losing someone.
And then, when I've got a little more to give, you can bet that sweet arse of yours I'll be back sharing everything I know and being a small voice for mental health awareness once again.
I hope it's soon, I really do.
But in the mean time I leave you my blog, open indefinitely and full of my journey and experience with anxiety so far. Hopefully there's some little nuggets that can help you in some way.
Fuck, you kids have been unreal. Promise me you'll always put your health first no matter what?!
Be the change you wish to see in the world. We need more people like that.